Why Won’t My Toddler Go To Sleep

As a child psychologist, parents often ask me for clinical guidance regarding bedtime. It is both a sacred and dreaded hour, the time of day when everything seems to go faster than usual and time starts to blur. Yet it is also the time of day when, after all the chaos subsides, there is an opportunity for deep connection and stillness. These experiences, so raw and full of life, can add value to our relationships, ourselves, and most importantly, our children.

The “Why”

Many young children, like adults, have different thoughts, feelings, and ideas that influence their behaviors, so it is impossible to say there is a one-size-fits-all explanation for why a particular child has trouble going to sleep. Parents are often balancing competing demands: finishing household tasks, catching up on work, and supporting their child's needs at bedtime. It can be difficult to balance the voice in the back of your mind—“I need to wash the dishes after she’s down,” “I need to get to work once he’s asleep”—with your child’s needs at the end of a long day.

However, attuning to those needs is often how we can make sense of the puzzling behaviors children show us. Try to notice patterns in your child's behavior around bedtime. Does your child begin prolonging the bedtime routine from the start, squirting toothpaste across the bathroom and creating more time to stall while you clean it up? Or maybe, right before they close their eyes, they ask for one more story, and then another, and then another. Perhaps they go to sleep just fine, but then you hear their tiny voice wailing at 3 a.m., demanding that you stay with them.

What Can We Do?

While the reasons behind sleep difficulties vary from child to child, themes of connection, predictability, and emotional safety are often present. Young children crave this connection and need it to be shown consistently in order to feel it and “remember” the feeling. Many parents worry their children may become spoiled or that they may reinforce unwanted behaviors. Connection, then, becomes a true balancing act of maintaining routines while finding mutual respect and ways to meet each other again and again.

I recognize this can be easier said than done, so I offer reflective parenting sessions for adults and play therapy for children in my Boca Raton office. Together, we can explore your child's unique needs, develop practical bedtime strategies, and strengthen the secure parent-child connection that supports healthy sleep and emotional growth.